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起點中的起點：赴菲服役的原因

為什麼會要去菲律賓？這一切都得從成功嶺開始說起。

討人厭的新訓

2019年春，我終於從狂飆時代般的臺大建城所畢業了，縱然它早已不復二十年前的鮮鮮草莽與自信，但猶然還是高等教育中的一個異數——恐怕也是理想主義至今僅存熹微的亮光之一吧。辦完離校手續後，我抱著一本大概不會有太多人注意的論文，回到老家的區公所準備報到。

準備上到成功嶺新訓的那天早上，臺南難得下起了陰鬱的綿雨。我父親開著我們家那輛老爺車，載著我去坐車上山。久未謀面的父子兩人，卻不知有什麼話可以說，空氣安靜到只剩下雨刷劃過玻璃的聲音。我暗自忖度著我那滿頭華髮的老父親，或許終於等到他那沒用的兒子獨立的一天了。

搭著巴士前往成功嶺的路上，我耳朵聽著「狗臉的歲月」、「汀州路的春天」、Bob Dylon 的 ”My back pages”，或許還有點眷戀校園的自由風氣。或許已經開始有些懷念那個鎮日皺著眉頭抽著零錢湊出來買的香菸、漫不經心閱讀文本的廢物研究生。但我知道，這一切的事情都會暫時與我無關。也好，因我對我蔓生野草、了無紀律的人生感到淡薄厭煩。那段路程不短不長，也不太緊張。或許能夠體會赴刑前的坦然。

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成功嶺新訓12日的日子真的乏善可陳，根本連動點唇舌去批評都覺得枉費。這裡的紀律恐怕不能稱之為紀律，只能說是一種詭異的團體秩序——唯一能稱道的可能只是包浩斯風格般的棟棟軍舍，以及仿王大閎作品的大餐廳建築。但你始終知道的，這裡的管理模式一點也不「包浩斯」。沒有所謂的人性，各種「律定事項」本身也沒有經過任何的設計思維。牆上試圖「軟化」營區空間的彩繪，更是極其醜陋，幾乎玷污了建築本身。

在成功嶺上會對著菜鳥大吼大叫的幹部基本區分成兩種。一種是穿著絲質制服的分隊長、區隊長，另一群則是穿著運動機能衣的「勤務」學長。

有沒有掛階，氣燄和地位會差距很多，勤務基本上就是魯蛇。勤務會被幹部罵，勤務會再挑菜鳥罵。看起來幹部好像很威很猛。但在成功嶺上，身為一個局外人，一定會逐漸看淡這些東西，因為不管誰欺負誰，都只是一場短暫的戲。

我在某些可以稍作喘息的自由時間，看到他們那一張又一張站在豔陽下百無聊賴、茫然的臉孔⋯就算幹部在餐廳噴完我們這些菜鳥之後，躲在餐廳外偷偷抽菸的樣子被我看到，多少還是對這些代替國家機器做事的打手心生哀憐與同情。畢竟，這就是這些人的格局。我實在討厭這個層層壓迫的體系。

不過很幸運地，新訓之後的我便與這些事情無關。日子回到成功嶺新訓時，役別徵選的那一天，我很幸運地甄選上了僑委會派駐菲律賓僑校的缺。我得承認，會選擇遠赴海外的原因，是因為進去成功嶺後的這些時間，讓我對國軍文化的藏污納垢和虛有其表無比地失望。這可能就是我選擇派駐海外服役的原因之一吧。（ps.雖然替代役不是兵，但新訓的管理模式跟軍中如出一轍，只是沒有拿槍。）

役別甄選：安逸或挑戰的抉擇

我記得似乎是在新訓的第八日早晨，一群人一起被帶上成功嶺的自強台集合。當時在役別徵選的時候，其實帶著相當忐忑的心情。畢竟服替代役這件事情，可以很舒服、也可以很痛苦。在隊伍中等待的時候，我與身邊剛從加拿大回臺灣的鄰員聊起天來（實在是很敬佩這些鄰員的愛國心）。我說，這跟指考分發一樣緊張，他說這比SAT還刺激。

對我來說，掙扎的部分倒不是服役的辛苦與否。重要的是，服役的這一年，如果跟成功嶺上的人一樣，無所事事地浪費一年，我一定會看不起自己。

役別徵選的當時，我其實有兩個選擇。由於建城所碩士的緣故，我有第一順位甄選上臺南市政府鹽水、佳里區公所的機會。業務內容大概是在處理社區營造，正好是我的專業、離家也近，應該會相當地得心應手。但當時臺南同鄉的鄰員們，各個都想爭取區公所的缺額，最後還必須抽籤。我當時觀察到鄰員們之間的氣氛，在還沒抽籤以前就私下在開始比較彼此的學歷、資格，試圖去影響其他人的決定⋯這個氛圍著實令人不耐。於是我便決定犧牲自己選擇安逸的機會，毅然決然往僑委會的攤位走去了。

其實說到最後，還是必須承認，僑委會派赴菲律賓進行華語教學的機會實在是太吸引我了：

除了對於南方美麗海島的想像之外，暫時遠離臺灣喧囂、矛盾的社會氛圍，對我來說，也是無比的解脫吧。透過拉出與故鄉物理上的距離，冷卻一下自己長年對於社會求好心切直到失望至極的情緒。

或許在一年之後，會有不一樣的體悟，我如此殷切期盼著。

「他說，我有消息要跟你分享。我要離開這個無聊的島，地球的那一邊有個富麗的群島，美麗新世界沒有我們這種狗臉。」 ——《狗臉的歲月：陳昇》

 

 

臺南人，熱愛研究城市的凡人。 國立成功大學中文系、都市計畫系。 國立臺灣大學建築與城鄉研究所畢業。

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