5 Fun and Easy Jokes in Chinese to Impress Your Friends
1. The Hidden Costs of Marriage
We’ll ease you in with the simplest one out of the bunch, a joke with a punchline that’s understandable and funny in both Chinese and English.
一个小孩儿问他的爸爸：“爸爸，结婚 需要 花 多少钱？”
(yī gè xiǎo hái ér wèn tā de bà ba: “bà ba, jié hūn xū yào huā duō shǎo qián?”)
A little kid asked his father: “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?”
爸爸说：“儿子，我 不知道。 我 还在付款!”
(bà ba shuō: “ér zi, wǒ bù zhī dào. Wǒ hái zài fù kuǎn!”)
The father said: “Son, I don’t know. I’m still paying!”
2. The Mistaken Identities of Spider-Man
This is another joke you’ll find floating around the web. There are actually three Spider-Man jokes, all of which make use of Chinese homophones, or words with the same pronunciation but different meanings.
Mistaken Spider-Man Identity #1
问：谁最知道猪？
(Wèn: shéi zuì zhī dào zhū?)
Question: Who knows pigs very well?
答：蜘蛛人!
(dá: zhī zhū rén!)
Answer: Spider-Man!
知豬人!
(Dá: zhī zhū rén!)
Answer: Spider-Man!
If you didn’t know Spider-Man in Chinese, you’re more likely to think of the characters “知豬人” instead of “蜘蛛人” when someone utters, “zhī zhū rén,” translated as “I know, the pig-man.” So the joke is pretty much referring to Spider-Man as a pig-man.
Mistaken Spider-Man Identity #2
问：谁是最坏的超级英雄？
(Wèn: shéi shì zuì huài de chāo jí yīng xióng?)
Question: Who is the worst superhero?
答：失敗的人!
(Dá: shī bài de rén!)
Answer: A loser!
What does “shi bai de” sound like in English? Here, the joke utilizes the Chinese transliteration of “Spider” + Chinese translation of “Man,” which is“shi bai de” + 人(rén). When you apply different tones, “shi bai de” + 人 takes on different meanings. And in this case, the reason why Spider-Man is the worst superhero is because the homophone means “loser.”
Mistaken Spider-Man Identity #3
Let’s see what happens when we apply another set of tones to “shi bai de.”
问：蜘蛛人是什么颜色
(wèn: zhī zhū rén shì shén me yán sè?)
Question: What color is Spider-Man?
答：是白的人!
(dá: shì bái de rén!)
Answer: He’s white!
Assuming that the listeners know the homophone, the answer to this one is easier to guess than the second joke, since the clue really gives away the correct pronunciation of “shi bai de” + 人, meaning “white man” in this circumstance. Funny how different these Spider-Man jokes can be when you mix up the tones.
Try telling these three jokes in this exact sequence so that listeners can get it right by the time they hear the third one. Obviously, the jokes don’t make a lot of sense when translated into English, but they’re definitely witty in Chinese. It’s this level of playfulness that indicates your interest in and knowledge about the language.
3. The Perks of Being Married
Here’s another one for you that requires no additional explanation or contextual information:
一对夫妻出去吃饭。妻子突然大叫：“啊！我忘了关瓦斯，可能会发生火灾！”
(yī duì fū qī chū qù chī fàn. qī zi tú rán dà jiào: “a! wǒ wàng le guān wǎ sī, kě néng huì fā shēng huǒ zāi!”)
A married couple went out for dinner. Suddenly, the wife shouted: “Oh! I forgot to turn off the gas. There could be a fire!”
丈夫却安慰她说：“没关系, 反正我也忘了关洗手檯的水。”
(zhàng fū què ān wèi tā shuō: “méi guān xì. fǎn zhèng wǒ yě wàng le guān xǐ shǒu tái de shuǐ.”)
To comfort her, the husband said: “It’s okay. Anyway, I also forgot to turn off the water faucet.”
4. The Class Orangutan
Just as we saw with the Spider-Man jokes, different Chinese characters can share the same pronunciation. These homophones provide numerous opportunities for jokes and puns. One example would be “xīng xīng,” the pinyin spelling of both 星星 and 猩猩, translated as “star” and “orangutan.”
快考试了，老师在课堂上帮同学们做重点提示。老师说：“这一题很重要，在前面画星星。”
(kuài kǎo shì le, lǎo shī zài kè táng shàng bāng tóng xué men zuò zhòng diǎn tí shì. lǎo shī shuō: “zhè yī tí hěn zhòng yào, zài qián miàn huà xīng xīng.)
Before the test, the teacher was helping the students by focusing on the key topics of the lesson. The teacher said, “This topic is very important. Mark this section with a star.”
小志回答说：“老师…可不可以用打勾的啊，猩猩好难画哦…”
(xiǎo zhì huí dá shuō: “lǎo shī… kě bù kě yǐ yòng dǎ gōu de a, xīng xīng hǎo nán huà ó….”)
Xiao Zhi replied, “Teacher, may I use a check mark? An orangutan is too hard to draw.”
5. How Well Do You Know Your Steak?
Another component of Mandarin is that certain characters can have multiple meanings depending on the context, another unique feature for Chinese jokes. In this example, the word 熟 (shú) means both “familiar” and “cooked well.”
问：一个七分熟的牛排和一个五分熟的牛排相遇了。可它们却没有打招呼，为什么？
(wèn: yī gè qī fēn shú de niú pái hé yī gè wǔ fēn shú de niú pái xiāng yù le. kě tā men què méi yǒu dǎ zhāo hū, wèi shén me?)
Question: A seven-minute (medium-well) steak and a (medium) five-minute steak meet on the street, but they didn’t say hello to each other. Why?
答：因 为 都 不 熟！
(dá: yīn wèi dōu bù shú!)
Answer: Because they both aren’t familiar with each other!
Similar to a couple of the jokes mentioned earlier, this one loses its meaning when translated in English.
The world’s funniest joke (now available in Chinese 🙂
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
两个猎人在林子里打猎，其中一个突然昏倒了。看起来他没有呼吸，他的眼睛干瞪着。他的同伴打电话叫救护车。他说，“我的朋友死了，怎么办？” 接线生说，“冷静一点，我来帮你。首先确定他真的死了。” 安静了一下，那边穿来了一下枪声。同伴说，“好了，然后呢？”
猜字谜 ~ Chinese character riddle!
四四方方一座城，
没有春夏没有秋
A four-walled castle
Has no spring, summer, has no autumn
*answer*
图
*answer*
图, “tú”, means ‘diagram’ or ‘picture’, and is comprised of the character for winter, 冬, inside four walls.
zi-mi-chinese-word-riddle-flashcards-2
我的中国家 – 字谜 Chinese character riddle
12212018 cai zi mi-ans
12 zodiac
